Jittered by the sight of Indo-Pak duo Rohan Bopanna & Aisam-ul-Haq Qureshi continuing to make history at the US Open, reaching their maiden grand slam final, top seeded Bryan Brothers approached President Barack Obama, in an incognito summit, to put a halt to their winning streak. Obama was more than happy to oblige ever since he had a ‘big time’ complex with the Bollywood hunk John Abraham’s butt.

Consequence: OHIO BANNING OUTSOURCING

Reasoning: Discouraging the creation of jobs & profits in other countries will aid in hindering the progress of the developing nations, rendering them poor, fighting for survival!

“i.e. death of tennis, chess, soccer and snooker in the subcontinent. We no longer need to be afraid of the likes of Vishwanathan Anand, Paes/Bhupathi pair or even Pankaj Advani/Geet Sethi for that matter. Beware! Don’t stifle them in Cricket, yet. Then they may think of championing in other sports. Let them play cricket till we build up a ‘National Team’. By that time, even the stalwarts like Sachin & Sehwag will hopefully retire and hence winning wouldn’t be that difficult. Yes, We Can!” said an elated Obama after the hardcore threesome brainstorming session.

He also came up with a blinder of a speech by modifying some verses from Marianne Williamson’s book ‘A Return to Love’ saying, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is those third-world call centers who take our jobs away. It is our darkness (Precisely when it’s daytime for Indian call centers), not our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in every Americans (Screw the rest!). And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same (But don’t let those ‘Indian Slumdogs’ come up in life). As we are liberated from our own fear (outsourcing), our presence will automatically screw others and compel them to write their own epitaph.”

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