Mahesh finds a new doubles partner in Lara…

After breaking up with long time partner Leander Paes and the Belarusian hunk Max Mirnyi, Mahesh Bhupathi has finally decided to settle for a Lara. Even though the not-so-straight-preferences of Mahesh & our scheme of plot, point directly to one Brian Lara, you got it all wrong, pal! This time it’s the ravishing former Miss Universe turned Bollywood damsel Lara Dutta. Bhupathi was claimed to be the apparent reason behind Lara dumping Dino Morea (a ‘who’?). The lady has been held responsible for the divorce between Bhupathi and Shwetha Jaishankar (another ‘who’?). The couple has of late given ample indications of their closeness, including hand-in-hand appearances at many award shows.

Then why the delayed announcement?

In a clandestine revelation, Lara’s confessional stated that she feared being Mahesh’s doubles partner, as it meant, performing the famous heart-wrenching ‘Lee-Hesh’ ‘chest bump’ after every volley won. To watch it on T.V. while sipping a health drink is one thing, but on the field, especially with a madman fuming with pride for ones’ nation, it’s one ridiculously insane act. PERIOD. What if the silicone implants get permanently distorted like what happened to Sania Mirza? No, it’s definitely not her cup of herbal tea.

Thus, it took a while for Mahesh to convince Lara, who decided to nod in approval only when a pleading Mahesh recited his wedding vows in filmy style.

“I, (Mahesh), take you (Lara), to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold (without any chest bumping) from this day forward, for better (Martina Hingis) or for worse (Rakhi Sawant), for richer (Neeta Ambani), for poorer (again Rakhi Sawant), in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

P.S. When asked, Rakhi was very much excited to do the chest bumping thingy along with anyone except Mika Singh, sources said.

Give a Balanced Treat to Sachin – Please!

Newspapers splashing the recent achievement of Sachin Tendulkar across the world are a testimony to the fact that he is equally celebrated worldwide as he is worshipped in India. Sachin enjoys the distinction of enthralling cricket lovers not only with his immaculate strokeplay, but also with his dignified charm and humility off the field.

What I believe is that the connoisseurs of the game must take the responsibility of placing him in a position where the little master deserves to be, ignoring the emotional cravings that we Indians show for him. Not long ago (2002), very few remember that Kapil Dev was honored as the Wisden Indian cricketer of the century. The feat, well deserved by Kapil, is unique and stands out to be the best all round achievement of a cricketer. The former Indian captain aggregated over 5000 runs and over 400 wickets in tests.

An overdose of applause does come with its baggage of emotional outbursts that we Indians do express time and again. And that is well understood and taken in the right spirit always. But the debate regarding whether Sachin is the greatest cricketing mind will be carried on and on…without the possibility of reaching a consensus. Sir Gary Sobers, Brian Lara, Sunil Gavaskar, Allan Border (leaving Sir Don apart) and current player Ricky Ponting belong to the same level or very close to it.

Little research will show that there is a lacuna in Sachin’s CV. A triple hundred, scoring centuries in each test innings, 750 test runs in a five-match series, 500 test runs in a three-match series are some of the elements that are missing from his aggregates. These achievements are considered common in the list of greats.

Being a cricket enthusiast myself, I believe that India can again produce someone close to a Gavaskar or a Tendulkar, but producing a great all-rounder like Kapil is next to impossible. There was no hullabaloo of hailing Gavaskar as the greatest when he crossed the hitherto unimaginable milestone of 10,000 test runs and similarly for Kapil when he reached the pinnacle of bowling glory by taking Mark Taylor’s wicket in the 1991–92 home series.

The achievement of Sachin is spectacular, after all not everyday does a batsman cross 12,000 test runs. However, I believe that the instead of going overboard, the media and the so-called experts should treat Sachin in a much more balanced manner, carefully examining his unique achievements.